No, not physically. But for the moment, I am mentally paralyzed. What to do next? Should I pack this or will we need it tomorrow? How on God’s green earth am I going to get through everything and sort into junk, charity, trailer, and storage piles?
Fear is a big paralyzer in my life. My first quilt top lay sandwiched on a floor for two months before I could gather up the courage to just quilt it. My first sweater suffered the same fate because I reached the seams and wasn’t quite sure how to continue. Fear of not doing something right, fear of others’ opinions, fear of death. I operate under a lot of fear. And I know it doesn’t have to be this way. Not everyone deals with things like this.
For quite a few years, driving through the mountains would give me sore arm muscles from holding on to the door handle. Heights are infinitely scary – I get dizzy just watching people on TV looking over a cliff. I’ve always had a thing about drowning. And yet, I shouldn’t be.
It’s rather obvious that I haven’t learned to “let go and let God.” I don’t really trust Him with anything. Not with this move, not with my projects, not with my ego, not with my life. So, that’s what I’m working on right now. Trusting. Giving Him the authority and the responsibility for all of it and all of me. Letting him rejoin my mental spinal cord and giving me movement again. Yikes.