Just a quick note to say that I’m still alive. Living in an RV with three boys and a husband make for close quarters, but I’m sure it is something the kids will remember the rest of their lives. It keeps raining and our driveway isn’t totally gravelled yet, so we are often stuck here at the top of the hill. No power, no water (except from the water tank on the back of the truck – oh, and the rain) is an interesting way to live. Thankfully we can run our generator when we need to plug something in, although I’m going to have to teach the boys how to start it on their own. I’m tired of running out to it in the rain!
Paralyzed
June 1, 2009 at 9:18 am (Miscellaneous)
Tags: Fear
No, not physically. But for the moment, I am mentally paralyzed. What to do next? Should I pack this or will we need it tomorrow? How on God’s green earth am I going to get through everything and sort into junk, charity, trailer, and storage piles?
Fear is a big paralyzer in my life. My first quilt top lay sandwiched on a floor for two months before I could gather up the courage to just quilt it. My first sweater suffered the same fate because I reached the seams and wasn’t quite sure how to continue. Fear of not doing something right, fear of others’ opinions, fear of death. I operate under a lot of fear. And I know it doesn’t have to be this way. Not everyone deals with things like this.
For quite a few years, driving through the mountains would give me sore arm muscles from holding on to the door handle. Heights are infinitely scary – I get dizzy just watching people on TV looking over a cliff. I’ve always had a thing about drowning. And yet, I shouldn’t be.
It’s rather obvious that I haven’t learned to “let go and let God.” I don’t really trust Him with anything. Not with this move, not with my projects, not with my ego, not with my life. So, that’s what I’m working on right now. Trusting. Giving Him the authority and the responsibility for all of it and all of me. Letting him rejoin my mental spinal cord and giving me movement again. Yikes.
Learning to Read
May 28, 2009 at 11:21 pm (Miscellaneous)
Do you remember first learning how to make sense of all those squiggly lines on paper? How the light just *clicked* and your brain went from illiterate to literate? I was making lunch in the kitchen the other day when Titus came up to me, holding a book. “I can read this,” he told me proudly. So, I asked him to read to me while I worked, and he sat down and read the entire book. My five-year-old. Who was reading things like “shiver me timbers” and “pirates” and “crocodile” without help. I have taught him a few of the basics of phonics, but nothing that would enable him to read a level 2 book in its entirety. I was flabbergasted, truth be told.
It brought me back to the start of my reading. I can plainly remember the day my mom brought out some flashcards. How she explained that some words have silent letters. How afterward I went and grabbed a book about Margaret Mead, the anthropologist and how Mom told me that I just wasn’t ready for that particular book because it was so long (and it was, big pages packed with words upon words). I can’t begin to explain what worlds opened to me once I started reading. I never did like the kiddy books. Chapter books, with adventures that grabbed me and wouldn’t let me go, that made those pages keep turning. I loved summer, because I could read in my bed late into the night without turning on a light and getting into trouble. I got to order books through school that were grades above the one I was in – that was how I got hooked onto the Narnia Chronicles. I tried going through the school library alphabetically. I fell in love with Anne of Green Gables. I wanted to be Anne of Green Gables. Animal stories were a favorite. Big Red, Black Beauty, the Black Stallion – I can still recall snippets. The Wizard of Oz. The Adventures of the Mad Scientists’ Club. Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. To name just a few.
I still love it. I gobble up stories and imaginings with a voraciousness that is hard to control. I honestly don’t know how people can live lives devoid of literature. What a gift it was that Mom gave me. It has ended up being such a large part of my life that I can’t help but hope my children become book addicts, too. Will they look back and see the magic in the pages? In my mind I wonder, how can they not?
So, I’ve got this boy…
May 27, 2009 at 11:15 pm (Kids)
Tags: Titus
We were downstairs, trying to hook up a printer to the old computer, when he spoke up.
“Mom, I wish I was adopted.”
I was a little shocked. “Really? Why?”
“I want to be Riley and Kyle’s brother.”
“But then I wouldn’t be your Mommy. Don’t you want me to be your Mom?”
Titus looked me straight in the eye. “I like you, but I like Riley and Kyle better.”
And that was that. Good thing I’ve got that motherly unconditional love thing happening. What a kid.
Titus and one of his new brothers
I did not know it was possible…
May 12, 2009 at 9:58 pm (Miscellaneous)
Tags: food
… that there could be too many raisins in a loaf of raisin bread. I was in such denial that I was half-way through the loaf before I admitted that I just wasn’t enjoying it. At all.
Sold!
May 11, 2009 at 11:36 am (House, Kids, Knitting)
Tags: Ethan, House, Knitting
We have sold our house! I think it was the freshly baked apple pie that did it, but who knows. They had also given me a full day to get the place all spick and span (I wonder where that term comes from?) and so it was looking mighty fine that day. The final remnants of snow had melted off our front lawn, as well. I’m sure all three things helped. A house-selling trifecta, of sorts. Now comes the stress and homelessness. As of today, the plan is to buy a camper of sorts and have an extended camping vacation until the new house is livable. Which better be before the snow flies, or I will be one unhappy mama!
putting in the driveway last fall
working on the power shed
As you can see, we have been doing a bit of work on the land. The driveway needs a bit of finishing and some gravel, but it’s usable. Luke is finishing the power shed today so the hydro people can put in the poles and lines. Things are progressing! Next comes the septic system and water and a basement. Hopefully we get the blueprints from the architect (or, as I like to call him, the blueprint guy) today.
In other non-house related news, I wanted to show you a picture of the sweater I knit. I found the pattern in Vogue Knitting 2007 Holiday and it was called the Reindeer Cardigan. I wasn’t feeling the reindeer, but the rest of the cardigan I rather liked, so I knit it up with a Lion Brand acrylic yarn called Vanna’s Choice in Brick. Of course, I made it too big and it won’t shrink since it’s acrylic, but I’ll still wear it.
I am NOT pregnant. Even though it looks like it.
One quick story to finish off the post. We were in the car, headed for soccer, when Ethan made a sudden exclamation from the back seat. “Mom, I’m not wearing any shorts!” That’s right, my child had run out to the car with his soccer socks and jersey on, sporting his tighty-whitey’s. And didn’t realize it. I could hardly drive back to the house because I laughed so hard. Now, every time we leave, I make sure to ask him if he’s got any pants on, which is apparently getting a little annoying (I think that’s what it means when he rolls his eyes at me). Kids. Gotta love ‘em.
Getting in the Groove
April 20, 2009 at 7:57 am (Knitting)
Tags: Knitting, Socks
Life has been full! Since the house has been up for sale this spring we’ve had people traipsing through almost every weekend, opening closets full of clothes, studying the state of my kitchen cupboards, sometimes getting to witness my supper in the midst of cooking. There was one nibble on the line, but we had to throw it back because it was too small. Of course, with all the cleaning and such going on, the two things that I’ve been making time for are knitting and sewing. Finally I have shaken off the malaise of winter and fallen head over heels with my sewing machine again. Not to mention that I have actually finished not just one but two projects that were on my needles. Aah, Spring, how you make me feel alive!
The first one I finished was a pair of socks. Socks that I had started in January, frogged in February, and restarted in March. You have no idea how difficult it was to unravel that first sock, even though I knew I would never be happy with it the way it was. I was completely done except for grafting the toe, and I realized my tension had changed between the leg and the foot, and that the leg was far to big to ever be worn comfortably. So, one day, I gathered all my courage and started pulling. Very cathartic, very scary, all at the same time. Now I am totally in love with them.
I found a pattern I liked online, called Hedgerow Socks. It called for a solid color, and like a doofus I picked out this absolutely gorgeous variegated merino wool yarn. Colinette Jitterbug yarn in castagna (which means chestnut in Italian, if Wiktionary is telling the truth). I think I may try this pattern again with a color that brings out the pattern. Of course, now that I’m hooked on hand-knitted socks, I’ve got a folder full of patterns that I really, really, really want to try, so making another pair probably won’t happen until, oh, say 2012?
Typical Female
March 28, 2009 at 8:36 am (Art, Miscellaneous)
Tags: Books, Jane Austen
Can I confess something to you? I don’t necessarily like going with the flow. In fact, I can be quite contrary. Oh, not in everything, but in some very specific ways I’ve always had a hard time doing what others thought I should, the way they think I should do it. That tendency becomes exaggerated when it has to do with things that are very important to me. Like books. As a Christian, I have not read The Purpose-Driven Life. Nor do I intend to. The only reason I started reading Philip Yancey’s books were because nobody had mentioned to me how good they were. It tends to go the other way as well. I specifically picked up the Harry Potter books because so many evangelicals were saying not to. Books that have been banned, well, I need to know the reason why and decide for myself!
So when I was wandering around my college library as a fresh-faced 19 yr. old, trying to find something to read that would take my mind off my studies, I didn’t realize that Jane Austen was so beloved. So admired. So girly. When I picked Emma off the shelf, I was doing so simply because 1. it was a novel that had nothing to do with my studies, and 2. it was first alphabetically in fiction (my college library had a really awful fiction department). And then I was sucked down into the whirling vortex of all things Austen.
Imagine my shock, nay, my utter dismay, when I discovered that Jane Austen was the authoress whom all college girls adored. That she was the epitome of all things romantic. That I had just become one of millions of devoted fans. Not only do I consume her books in one sitting, I watch the movies. And cry. Anything another author has written about her or her works, or has used her as inspiration for their own novel, I read. I am obsessed. And I find it distressing that it is not my obsession alone.
I am, after all, a typical female.
A Day In The Life Of…
March 20, 2009 at 9:05 am (Family Fun, Kids, Miscellaneous)
Woke up at 5:55 so I could spend a few minutes with Luke before he left for work.
Sent three children to school.
Got depressed at the sight of falling snow.
Punched some dough to some music.
Made a quick trip to town while the dough rose.
After putting buns on pans, I tried out my new Philip Glass music.
Went to watch Caleb and Ethan at a school hockey game.
Got a call at the arena that someone was coming to look at the house in 20 minutes. 20 MINUTES!?!
The boys were shocked, too. We went home and cleaned until we couldn’t anymore.
After we were allowed back home, we had supper of borscht and buns.
Then off to church for worship practice.
Then back home for bed.
The Winter Blues
March 18, 2009 at 5:42 am (Miscellaneous)
Call it what you will – the winter blues, sun-deprivation, hormonal imbalance – but I’ve had a serious case of the funks for the past month or more. It ’s been rather annoying and getting in the way of enjoying life. February and March tend to do that to me, but this year was the first where I didn’t really have any other excuses to fall back on. I’ve been getting sleep, the kids have been listening (well, as much as they are capable of), nobody has been hating on me (except that one mom in McDonald’s), and life hasn’t been spinning out of control. I just haven’t been fully in the moment, more like in the back of my head telling myself I should really be having fun right now and asking why am I not. But, such is life. You need the downs to truly appreciate the ups, and here’s hoping that I’m climbing out of this particular valley and onto a hill.
A few of the things I’ve done this past month are:
- gone to visit our newest niece in Revelstoke (OK, holding her was bliss, it was baby therapy)
- skied the mountain at Revelstoke
- forgotten to call various people for their birthdays (that means you, Mom, and Aslynn and my grandma and Alexander and my brother – shame on me)
- been to a beautiful wedding
- drove into snow drifts with the truck
- acquired some beautiful new piano music by Philip Glass
Now we are all caught up, I can continue my regular sporadic programming again. I promise, the next post won’t be so gloomy. And there’ll be pictures. And free candy. Ok, maybe not the candy, but pictures for sure!
